Harry Springer (Tim Healey) and Duggie Strachan (Clive Russell) are ex-Army pals who served in the Falkland Islands together. Duggie was an infantryman, up at the 'sharp end', while Harry was in the Catering Corps. Harry saved Duggie's life - at least, that's what Harry reckons. Nowadays, Harry is the proud owner of the seedy Olympic Hotel in Smethwick and Duggie, now a teacher, is one of his reluctant guests. The hotel is populated mainly by drunks, homeless people on Social Security, asylum seekers and illegal immigrants.

Gerry and Sewell are broke. Gerry's still at school and Sewell is unemployed. They both wish for better things in life. Owning two season tickets to their beloved football club is their biggest dream of all. The tickets cost £1000 - they're £1000 short. But they are nothing if not resourceful, and they set themselves a mission to raise the cash. While they think up increasingly outlandish money making schemes - from selling junk to shoplifting and the odd bit of housebreaking - real life begins to interfere with the pair's final scam going hilariously awry landing them in jail, only to discover that their punishment gets them exactly where they want to be!