Nick and Nora Chalmers write mystery novels... steamy, sexy mystery novels. In search of plots for the next book, they travel to Europe to experience the passion, desire and intrigue on the legendary Orient X-press. Once on board, they discover a cast of shady (and horny) characters.

Most guys can only fantasize about being locked-up in a whorehouse full of gorgeous raving babes like SEKA and VANESSA DEL RIO... but for a private detective like me, Mark Lowe, it's all in a day's work (or should that be "night's work?"). You see, Carla is afraid her little house of joy is going to be taken over by buddie Howie Mann... and that's where I fit in. As long as I'm watching over the place, Howie'll have a tough time pulling any funny stuff. Of course, my relationship with the girls is supposed to be "purely professional," but things don't always work out the way you plan 'em - if you catch my drift.

Mark Lowe, Private Investigator, is approached by a woman to help her find The Maltese Dildo. Mere description of the dildo drives women mad with desire. Mark must, therefore, interview many women regarding this strange object. Will he find it? Who cares!