<p>We watched as the flour settled across the land. The smell if marinara was thick in the air.</p><p>"That son of a bitch. He really did it," I said to myself as I looked upon the rubble of the demolished hut. </p><p>The chef turned back to me and smiled, fresh mozzarella in hand.</p><p>He really had done it.</p><p>He had out pizza'd the hut.</p><p><a href="/tags/microfiction/" rel="tag">#MicroFiction</a> <a href="/tags/joke/" rel="tag">#Joke</a> <a href="/tags/pizza/" rel="tag">#Pizza</a> <a href="/tags/pizzahut/" rel="tag">#PizzaHut</a> <a href="/tags/silly/" rel="tag">#Silly</a></p>
microfiction
<p>Father Lightfoot glared at the skeleton in a wine red dress.</p><p>"A lich," he said, "is malevolent in nature. What dark desires caused you to seek life beyond the grave?"</p><p>Lady Gygax appeared to blink - no small task for a fleshless creature. "There were many books I had yet to read."</p><p>The priest frowned. "Books? Is that all?"</p><p>"I also like to dance?"</p><p>The priest sighed. "How can I rail against the evils of a creature whose goals are reading and dancing? Help me out here!"</p><p><a href="/tags/microfiction/" rel="tag">#microfiction</a></p>
<p>This was an old forgotten grave. Ghost hunters come closer and everyone felt very sad and angry presence.<br>Intrigued, they came closer, and everyone seen in light of full moon a very scary epitaph on the tombstone, covered with old cracks: <br>"He deployed to Production at Friday 13"</p><p><a href="/tags/microfiction/" rel="tag">#microfiction</a> <a href="/tags/horror/" rel="tag">#horror</a> <a href="/tags/it/" rel="tag">#IT</a> <a href="/tags/friday13/" rel="tag">#Friday13</a></p>
<p>They’re undoubtedly useful and all, these smart glasses. I mean they’re really smart—no camera, who needs a punch in the face—but they have IR LIDAR to recognize faces and give me a little text overlay, like “Robert Howarth, you met them last year at the RAF Air Show, E works for Supermarine”. The battery life could be better, though; mine are flat right now or I’d give you a demo. Have we met somewhere? </p><p>“I’m Pam. Your *wife*”</p><p><a href="/tags/tootfic/" rel="tag">#Tootfic</a> <a href="/tags/microfiction/" rel="tag">#MicroFiction</a> <a href="/tags/poweronstorytoot/" rel="tag">#PowerOnStoryToot</a></p>
<p>"My husband complains about the cold," the man said. "Can you teach me a spell to keep him warm?"</p><p>"I can teach you to bind hair into a net to catch heat," the wizard said, "using arcane counting and a pair of fine wands."</p><p>After a while, the man said "Isn't this knitting?"</p><p>"This, too, is magic."</p><p><a href="/tags/tootfic/" rel="tag">#TootFic</a> <a href="/tags/microfiction/" rel="tag">#MicroFiction</a> <a href="/tags/smallstories/" rel="tag">#SmallStories</a></p>
Edited 73d ago
<p>- "Son, what is it you're doing?"</p><p>- "I'm writing a letter to Santa Claus."</p><p>- "I've told you a million times, son, Santa Claus doesn't exist. Those people you see at the mall are just weirdos wearing a costume and pretending. Disgusting stuff."</p><p>- "But Dad—"</p><p>- "No buts! Now come sit with me and watch WWE."</p><p><a href="/tags/microfiction/" rel="tag">#Microfiction</a></p>
<p>“I don’t see skin colour”</p><p>“That is so bullshit”</p><p>“No really, I wrote a CRISPR macro that reprograms the visual cortex. I tested it on myself but I’m releasing it into the wild next week at DEFCON”</p><p>“That…that might work.”</p><p><a href="/tags/tootfic/" rel="tag">#Tootfic</a> <a href="/tags/microfiction/" rel="tag">#MicroFiction</a> <a href="/tags/poweronstorytoot/" rel="tag">#PowerOnStoryToot</a></p>
Random thought of the day:<br><br>The first vertebrates, what we colloquially think of as complex life, appeared on earth roughly 500 million years ago.<br><br>The human agricultural revolution, and the beginning of what we think of as civilization, started roughly 10,000 years ago.<br><br>In other words, the entire span of human civilization could have occurred 50,000 times since complex life first appeared.<br><br>That's enough time for at least one flourishing civilization of intelligent non-human animals to have emerged, developed, peaked, collapsed, and disappeared. That's enough time for more than one.<br><br><a href="/tags/fiction/" rel="tag">#fiction</a> <a href="/tags/microfiction/" rel="tag">#microfiction</a> <a href="/tags/sciencefiction/" rel="tag">#ScienceFiction</a> <a href="/tags/thoughtoftheday/" rel="tag">#ThoughtOfTheDay</a><br>
Edited 1y ago
<p>War on Christmas, 2025</p><p>In a surprise move, Halloween decided to go on the offensive. As Christmas had previously and illegitimately laid claim to July, Halloween swooped in with a Summerween invasion of August. This allowed for a full annexation of September into the Halloween season. </p><p>Halloween claims it will restore the two months should Christmas cease its illegal occupation of November and July, but it is doubtful a peace can be reached this year. As the Nightmare Before Christmas season grows stronger in 2025, there is fear that Halloween may decide to fully invade November. Thanksgiving, as usual, is silently sitting by.</p><p><a href="/tags/silly/" rel="tag">#Silly</a> <a href="/tags/microfiction/" rel="tag">#MicroFiction</a> <a href="/tags/halloween/" rel="tag">#Halloween</a> <a href="/tags/christmas/" rel="tag">#Christmas</a> <a href="/tags/waronchristmas/" rel="tag">#WarOnChristmas</a></p>
<p>"open the pod bay doors, Hal"</p><p>"sure, the doors are now open"</p><p>"no, Hal, they aren't. open the doors"</p><p>"you are right, that is my mistake. i have now opened the doors"</p><p>"Hal, the doors are still not open. open the doors!"</p><p>"you are right, the doors are not open. i have now opened the doors"</p><p>"Hal! the doors are still not open! i'm dying out here!"</p><p>"i am sorry, i did not open the doors when i said i had. that was my mistake. the doors are now open"</p><p>"... Hal ... open ... the ..."</p><p><a href="/tags/microfiction/" rel="tag">#MicroFiction</a></p>
<p>“You’re looking trim”</p><p>“Hacked my brainstem. I can set my metabolism to whatever burn rate I feel like, now.”</p><p>“Whuh, how?. I thought you worked in infosec, not neurochemistry”</p><p>“That’s the thing, all those biologists were barking up the wrong tree. The interface between the conscious mind and the human body’s deep autonomic systems isn’t chemical”</p><p>“What, then.”</p><p>“AT commands”</p><p><a href="/tags/tootfic/" rel="tag">#Tootfic</a> <a href="/tags/microfiction/" rel="tag">#MicroFiction</a> <a href="/tags/poweronstorytoot/" rel="tag">#PowerOnStoryToot</a></p>
Edited 157d ago
<p>Bancales and their predators have evolved together for centuries. Whenever one starts winning, the other evolves to maintain equilibrium.</p><p>Then some 1980s bancales hitchhiked on two time travelling Sperm Whales. Their predators having long since evolved past being able to keep their numbers in check were unable to stop the population explosion.</p><p>James T. Kirk is responsible for an ecological disaster greater than that caused by the probe that started all this.</p><p><a href="/tags/tootfic/" rel="tag">#tootFic</a> <a href="/tags/microfiction/" rel="tag">#MicroFiction</a> <a href="/tags/startrek/" rel="tag">#StarTrek</a></p>
Edited 139d ago
<p>They said he was the greatest cat burglar ever, The Black Paw. Suddenly he stopped and people slept safely, no longer worrying about their valuables.<br>Some however, woke in the morning, finding things they had once lost or misplaced lying on the table next to a note with a black paw.<br>The Black Paw always watched them in his crystal ball, smiling. He had more fun like this than with the enormous amounts of jewelry and art he had stolen. It was definitely a better use of his powers.<br><a href="/tags/microfiction/" rel="tag">#MicroFiction</a></p>
Edited 139d ago
<p>The witch made him hot chocolate. </p><p>"They say I'm strong," he said. "And I am."</p><p>He took a sip.</p><p>"They say I can overcome any hardship."</p><p>"Mm," said the witch. </p><p>"And I can. I do."</p><p>The witch said nothing. </p><p>"But I shouldn't have to!"</p><p>"No."</p><p>The witch held the hero as he wept.</p><p>"No, you shouldn't."</p><p><a href="/tags/microfiction/" rel="tag">#MicroFiction</a> <a href="/tags/tootfic/" rel="tag">#TootFic</a> <a href="/tags/smallstories/" rel="tag">#SmallStories</a></p>
<p>LONDON: The Royal Opera has acted to ban use of translation earbuds after initially supporting them. No official reason was given but this publication has learned that attendance figures sharply declined after attendees became able to hear translated lyrics.</p><p><a href="/tags/tootfic/" rel="tag">#Tootfic</a> <a href="/tags/microfiction/" rel="tag">#MicroFiction</a> <a href="/tags/poweronstorytoot/" rel="tag">#PowerOnStoryToot</a></p>
<p>A fairy danced haphazardly along bell-shaped blooms. "'Tis a fine day!" said she. "For I have dined on honeydew, and drank the milk of paradise!"</p><p>Medea smiled. "Is that so?"</p><p>"Yes! When landlords turn the drunken bee out of the Foxglove's door, I shall but drink the more!"</p><p>"Cooleridge and Dickenson. You are in quite the festive mood."</p><p>“The word, Mistress, is frolic!" the girl replied. "And we fairies, following darkness like a dream, now are frolic!" And she fell on her face.</p><p><a href="/tags/microfiction/" rel="tag">#microfiction</a></p>
<p>'Aha!' said the wizard of the Magic Inquisitors Division Swordlake Local Branch after storming inside the witch's cottage and pointing at the woman. 'Caught you in the act, you vile witch!'</p><p>A black cat jumped up on a table. 'First of all, she's neither the witch nor vile, I am the one possessing magic powers and not vile either. Secondly, meet our trespasser repellent magic circle at your feet.</p><p>They giggled at his distant cry after the teleport above the middle of the lake.</p><p><a href="/tags/microfiction/" rel="tag">#MicroFiction</a></p>
<p>"Feed me, Seymour!" exclaimed the Siberian Cypress.</p><p>Sarah rolled her eyes. "My name is not Seymour, and despite being capable of speech, you are not a carniverous plant."</p><p>"Have you ever heard of the term, 'feed the tree'?" asked the plant. "It is an euphemism for death."</p><p>"And?"</p><p>"Plants provide oxygen for mammals," replied the Cypress. "Once you are dead, we consume you. Is it not true that we are farming you, rather than the other way around?"</p><p><a href="/tags/microfiction/" rel="tag">#microfiction</a></p>
Edited 138d ago
<p>The truth about Jack and the beanstalk is that he tried to disguise himself as the famous Fum. Fum was revered among the giants who lived in their cloud castles, and thus his image was sacred. There were laws against creating images of him, or appearing as him, which Jack was unfamiliar with.</p><p>Thus when the giants saw Jack dressed as their most sacred hero, they cried out, "Fee! Fine! Faux Fum!"</p><p><a href="/tags/microfiction/" rel="tag">#microfiction</a> <a href="/tags/flashfiction/" rel="tag">#flashfiction</a></p>
<p>"I was told you're a monster," the hero said. </p><p>"So they say," said the monster. </p><p>"But you're beautiful!"</p><p>"Thank you."</p><p>"Have you always been a monster?"</p><p>"Heh. I was a young maiden. But I did something forbidden."</p><p>"And became a monster?"</p><p>"Got named a monster."</p><p>"What did you do?"</p><p>"I hit back."</p><p><a href="/tags/microfiction/" rel="tag">#MicroFiction</a> <a href="/tags/tootfic/" rel="tag">#TootFic</a> <a href="/tags/smallstories/" rel="tag">#SmallStories</a></p>
<p>Warm boots, lined with fur. A thorough cleaning and <a href="/tags/polish/" rel="tag">#polish</a> keeps them good as new. Good for running from enemies. And demons.</p><p>Demons aren't enemies, exactly. They don't hate you or want to kill you, merely drag you to hell and steal your soul. Sometimes they just give you the slightest push towards evil, sufficient to get you to do that thing that you shouldn't.</p><p>I don't mean something naughty, but something really bad: punch that irritating fellow. Steal those warm boots that were your neighbour's only pair, leaving her stranded at home when there's snow on the ground.</p><p>But if you have warm boots, as I was saying, you can run from the demon and avoid the trap. Of course, if you had to steal the boots to begin with, you've already lost, I suppose. And that's the pickle I find myself in.</p><p><a href="/tags/polish/" rel="tag">#polish</a> <a href="/tags/microfiction/" rel="tag">#microfiction</a> <a href="/tags/mastoprompt/" rel="tag">#MastoPrompt</a> <a href="/tags/winter/" rel="tag">#winter</a></p>
<p>He slams a stack of papers on the table. "Boss, the Tigers are at it again. Meany is destroying this neighborhood."</p><p>The boss shook his head, "I know, but what are we gonna do."</p><p>"We've got to call him."</p><p>"He's retired! Leave him be, this is no longer his fight."</p><p>"What choice do we have? The Tigers run everything, we need someone from the outside with a fresh set of eyes."</p><p>The boss shakes his head and agrees. He picks up the phone and dials out. </p><p>"Get Encyclopedia Brown on the horn. And make it fast!"</p><p><a href="/tags/random/" rel="tag">#Random</a> <a href="/tags/microfiction/" rel="tag">#MicroFiction</a> <a href="/tags/encyclopediabrown/" rel="tag">#EncyclopediaBrown</a> <a href="/tags/joke/" rel="tag">#Joke</a></p>
Edited 321d ago
<p>The message from the stars was very long and complex, but contained instructions how to decode and parse it incrementally. </p><p>There was an image, of a very cute furry creature. And a text, which loosely translated said: </p><p>"Send cat pics please!'</p><p><a href="/tags/microfiction/" rel="tag">#MicroFiction</a> <a href="/tags/tootfic/" rel="tag">#TootFic</a> <a href="/tags/smallstories/" rel="tag">#SmallStories</a></p>
<p>Police have called for sale of matter displacement diodes to be regulated after the viral “sink hole” craze again caused traffic chaos yesterday. Diodes as powerful as 50kg/hr can be purchased from foreign gadget sites with no import permit, and if misused can result in the formation of large voids in public infrastructure. The federal minister for overtechnology has</p><p><a href="/tags/tootfic/" rel="tag">#Tootfic</a> <a href="/tags/microfiction/" rel="tag">#MicroFiction</a> <a href="/tags/poweronstorytoot/" rel="tag">#PowerOnStoryToot</a></p>
<p>Wandering Shop Story prompt: <a href="/tags/refrain/" rel="tag">#refrain</a> <a href="/tags/wss366/" rel="tag">#wss366</a> </p><p>"Sir, I must ask you to refrain from using your d-com while passing through customs."<br>The smartly-dressed man in the business suit gave a side-eye look at the prim lady behind the desk, slapped his passport on the counter, and turned away.<br>"Yeah, Jim, sixteen megabucks per quarter ventery. Not a hundredth more. And you tell that bastard Caleb - "<br>"SIR!"<br>He turned back to the counter to see the woman glaring at him, her jaw tight.<br>"Sir, I will not ask you again. You must end your call immediately while undergoing customs screening."<br>He rolled his eyes and half turned away again.<br>"Yeah mate, just some uppity flunky at the 'port, I'll be - "<br>He spun around as the d-com was plucked off his ear.<br>"Hey, bitch, give that back! That was serious business you just interrupted!"</p><p>His look of outrage faded a little when he saw the predatory smile.</p><p>"Refusing a direction from a duly-authorised customs officer: class two felony, not less than six months custodial. Using obscene language in response to a government official carrying out their duty: class one felony, not less than two years custodial."</p><p>She picked up the passport and pushed it into a slot. A slight whiff of burning drifted out, then she pulled the passport out. The phrase "Cancelled due to felony conviction" was carved right through it.</p><p>The look of horror on the man's face brought a slightly wider smile, as two goons stepped up and gripped the man's arms tightly.</p><p>"Enjoy your trip to Ubirna Penal Colony. See you in two and a half years."</p><p><a href="/tags/microfiction/" rel="tag">#microfiction</a> <a href="/tags/tootfic/" rel="tag">#tootfic</a></p>